


Bad Pickup Lines All the Time

by Crazy_Gaze



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, i think, oikawa doesn't know the meaning of lowkey, slight crack, slight hanamatsu, thirsty Oikawa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 16:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5749531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy_Gaze/pseuds/Crazy_Gaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He also meant homo, all the homo. No hetero.</p><p>“Do me,” Oikawa says absentmindedly. He hears a choked snort from Hanamaki and he jerks out of his reverie in a panic.</p><p>“I mea-WHAT. Who said that.” He flounders for an air of indignation like he wasn’t just blatantly staring at his best friend’s ass. Oikawa hears smothered laughter off to his right and it’s definitely Matuskawa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Pickup Lines All the Time

**Author's Note:**

> I had to write a thing after I saw [this](http://ricebrandy.tumblr.com/post/117351356518/iwaizumi-what-kind-of-warm-up-should-i-do-oikawa%20) so this happened

When the rest of the team stepped into the gym, Oikawa and Iwaizumi had already finished their stretching. Iwaizumi had taken extra care to make Oikawa stretch out his knee. He pulled the setter to his feet and bent over to touch his toes again. “What warm up should I do first?” Iwaizumi asks.

Oikawa tried in vain to not stare but honestly, that plump round ass was a magnet and oh man is he attracted. His fingers twitched achingly for just one good squeeze.

The setter sighs and wonder if he could attempt one of those things teammates to where they slap each other’s ass and laugh with loud proclamations of ‘no homo’. Despite what Iwaizumi thinks, Oikawa does have some sort of self preservation. He wisely realizes that it would probably end up with him on the ground bleeding no matter how many times he’d repeat no homo.

He also meant homo, all the homo. No hetero.

“Do me,” Oikawa says absentmindedly. He hears a choked snort from Hanamaki and he jerks out of his reverie in a panic.

“I mea-WHAT. Who said that.” He flounders for an air of indignation like he wasn’t just blatantly staring at his best friend’s ass. Oikawa hears smothered laughter off to his right and it’s definitely Matuskawa.

“Said what?” Iwaizumi straightens and turns to Oikawa curiously.

The setter forces the embarrassment down and clenches his teeth when he smiles. “Nothing, Iwa-chan.” The boy looks at him with a strange face but shrugs it off.  

“Alright, call everyone over we’re doing warm up laps in five,” Iwaizumi says and walks off to get his water bottle. _I hate it when you leave but I love to watch you go_ , Oikawa thinks wistfully.

“Do me, Iwa-chan,” comes a high pitched swooned voice. Oikawa whirls around and glares at the two other third years and they laugh.

“Shut up,” Oikawa hisses, blush returning to his cheeks.

“God, we wondered how bad could get, but this-” Hanamaki titters. Oikawa stomps away and later during practice, Hanamaki gets quite a few close calls, stray balls of a spike or serve getting dangerously close to his face.

+

The lunch bell rings and Oikawa sits on the grass under a tree with his bento, they pick this spot specifically for its cool shade.

Soon he’s joined by Matsukawa and Hanamaki. Matsukawa spreads out a textbook and papers and declares himself totally fucked. “I gotta take notes on the chapter I didn’t read and annotate this packet. That I also didn’t read. Oh and I got a test in math.” Rather than panicked, it seems as if Matsukawa has surpassed that point and has calmly accepted his fate.

Iwaizumi walks over and looks across all the space Matsukawa takes up and complains, “Where the hell am I supposed sit?”

“On my face,” Oikawa mutters without thinking and Hanamaki begins choking on his tea. ( _Been choking on a lot of stuff recently, haven’t you?_ Oikawa thinks in the back of his mind and recoils slightly. _Eww._ ) Matsukawa has turned away and started coughing vehemently, shoulders shaking. Oikawa hurriedly shoves a piece of egg in his mouth and attempts look as hungry as possible, his face held incredibly close to his bento.

Matsukawa calms down from his ‘coughing fit’ and snickers. “Ask Oikawa, I’m sure he’ll make some room.” The setter shoots him a dirty look and scoots over an inch. Iwaizumi walks around and pushes Oikawa over and the boy squawks, just barely saving his lunch.

“Move the hell over, you can share a little bit of space. I don’t want to be in the sun.” Oikawa breathes a slight sigh when he realized Iwaizumi never heard him say anything. Matsukawa wiggles his freakish eyebrows and Oikawa throws a chopstick at him.

+

When Iwaizumi leaves their table to go get a textbook, Oikawa slams his head down on his open textbook and groans. Matsukawa simply looks over and says, “Same,” before turning back to his homework.

Oikawa looks up and gives them a desperate look. “Guys, you have to help me, I can’t stop,” he makes a strangled noise.

“Stop what? Being-”

“Annoying?”

“Pompous?”

“A hoe?”

“A _thirsty_ hoe?”

Oikawa gives them an offended look before looking around for any sign of Iwaizumi’s return. “No, I just. Can’t stop-” he makes a vague gesture and noise. “Talking. Like, saying all of that _stuff_. To Iwa-chan. It’s like a word vomit and it just comes out before I can stop it.” He gives them a desperate look and Hanamaki stares at him, unimpressed.

“Soo… a thirsty hoe.” Matsukawa concludes and Oikawa puts his head back down on his textbook with a defeated look.

“I honestly think it’s hilarious. It’s amazing he hasn’t caught on or heard anything yet.” Hanamaki twirls his pencil between his fingers.

“Who hasn’t heard what?” Iwaizumi interrupts suddenly, book in hand.

Oikawa jumps and he swears Iwa-chan will be the death of him “NOTHING,” Oikawa yelps. The librarian shushes him from the front desk with a dirty look. He turns red and flashes her an apologetic smile.

He turns the smile back on Iwaizumi and the boy frowns suspiciously. “Nothing, nothing. It’s not anything to worry about Iwa-chan, now if you’ll excuse me, I have some homework to finish.” he says casually, picking up one of the worksheets on the table to examine it.  
Iwaizumi frowns and plucks the sheet from him. He turns the paper right side up and hands it to Matsukawa.

“Your homework, huh?” Oikawa catches a glimpse of the paper and _god damn it, it has Masukawa’s name on it and it was upside down._

“I was just helping Mattsun,” Oikawa protests feebly. Iwaizumi hums as Matsukawa and Hanamaki stifle their laughter.

+

As they walked home, silence filled the spaces where there was normally chatter. Of course their friendship had comfortable silences, but this one made Oikawa stiff and press his lips together in a line. Iwaizumi kept shooting him concerned glances but Oikawa resolutely stares ahead like nothing is wrong. A few more minutes in the tense quiet and Iwaizumi speaks up. “Hey… Are you okay?” He asks hesitantly and Oikawa crumbles a little.

“Aw, worried for me? I’m fine Iwa-chan,” he smiles brightly. Iwaizumi doesn’t buy it and if anything, he frowns more but doesn’t press. A beat passes.

“Do you wanna go somewhere to eat today then? I’ll treat.” Iwaizumi offers. Oikawa stops and looks at him excitedly.

“Really? I usually have to bug you so much to get you to buy stuff for me, even if it’s just my milk bread,” Oikawa pouts.

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes. “So you fully acknowledge that you can be damn annoying after all.” They reach an intersection and go down the turn to where the outward streets and shops lie instead of home. “What do you wanna eat?” He asks and the words are out of Oikawa’s mouth before he can snap it shut.

“Your dick,” he replies and terror seeps into his blood and he fumbles his words and wish that the earth would swallow him or god would strike him down. “I-UH-ahaha, I mean y-your pick. Your _pick_ , Iwa-chan,” he laughs high and slightly manically because _whatthefuckself._

In the moment of his waffling, Iwaizumi has stopped, leaving Oikawa walking by himself a few paces before he realized he was alone. He turns around with a hesitant, “Iwa-chan?”

The said boy has his head down, face in his hands. Oikawa’s eyes dart to his red ears and then to his covered face. “Iwa-”

“Oh my god, what the fuck,” Iwaizumi croaks.

“It was just a mistake! I didn’t mean-”

“So what about all the other times?” Iwaizumi interrupts, his head now up, red, flustered face uncovered. Oikawa simultaneously short circuits and promptly panics. _Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck._

“All the other times…” Oikawa parrots, looking utterly horrified.  
Iwaizumi looks off to the side and the flush is more prominent than ever. “I might be dense but I’m not deaf, Asskawa. Did you really think you were subtle?”

Oikawa stands there and God he is so embarrassed and what does he do, Iwa-chan heard him all those times, and there was so many times. “I’m…sorry, Iwa-chan,” it only occurs to Oikawa that maybe Iwa-chan didn’t enjoy his comments, that he might have been uncomfortable the entire time and was only saying something now. It didn’t occur that Iwa-chan might not want to be best friends with someone who’s attracted to him.

Iwaizumi brings eyes back on Oikawa and he looks determined. “Are you sorry for saying those things or sorry that you were caught?”  He takes a step forward and Oikawa takes a step back.  

“B-both.” Oikawa stammers and Iwaizumi shoots him a look that has him flinching. He wrings his hands and looks off to the side. What type of best friend was he?  

“…that I was caught.” Oikawa admits quietly, shamefully hanging his head.  
Iwaizumi steps forward until he stands in front of Oikawa. Oikawa is too scared to look up and see what type of expression the other boy is making.

“I never want to hear any of that ever again,” Iwaizumi says and Oikawa flinches again. “Do you say those types of things to everyone?” He asks, eyes narrowed and questioning.

Oikawa can’t force himself to look at Iwaizumi when he answers “No,” in a small voice.

“Good.” Is all Oikawa hears before he sees a hand suddenly moving out of the peripheral of his vision and tugging his head up. His eyes are wide with fear but his vision is abruptly filled with Iwaizumi and his scent and the soft pressure of his lips against his own and he can’t help the sharp intake that makes him dizzy and confused at the same time.

Iwaizumi pulls back and his hand rests in the soft curls of Oikawa’s hair at the nape of his neck. “You’re so god damn embarrassing, Oikawa. Of all of the ways to confess-” Iwaizumi makes a frustrated noise. “It ended up with me being fed up with your shit like always,” Iwaizumi brings their foreheads together and Oikawa is positive Iwaizumi can feel his rapid pulse in his neck but he can’t bring himself to care.

Oikawa makes a soft noise, “Iwa-chan…” he whispers. Iwaizumi leans in and gives him another short kiss and pulls away. The boy takes his hand and begins leading them into town. Iwaizumi's palm is warm and calloused just like his and he squeezes. Oikawa’s delighted that he gets a squeeze in return and he laughs.

“Iwa-chan, I really love you,” Oikawa says fondly and at first he’s not sure if Iwaizumi has heard or not but the grip on his hand tightens and he can see Iwaizumi’s ears turn pink.

“Isn’t too soon to mention love? What happened to like?” Iwaizumi grumbles halfheartedly.

Oikawa walks in step with Iwaizumi and peers at his face with the brightest smiles on his lips and leans in conspiratorially. “I think we’ve been in love a very long time, Iwa-chan,”  

“You might be right for once about that.” Oikawa cheers. “You’re still an embarrassing idiot though, that point still stands.”

“I’ll show you how _my_ point stands,” Oikawa says smugly. Iwaizumi doesn’t feel bad in the least when Oikawa cries out in pain when he punches him in the arm.

**Author's Note:**

> *furiously whispers at self* what type of ending was that jesus
> 
> Moral of the story: use shitty pickup line after shitty pickup line to get that booty


End file.
